Bossy

I have read that it’s good to have a bossy child because that means the child is confident.   Do you think that’s true?

Then we are overflowing with confidence in the O’Brien household.

While picking up Caleb from Geering Up, Mica and I had a moment.  Craig and I have been big believers in sharing the ups and downs of the day, laughing at ourselves, helping our family learn grace for our foibles from one another.  So as I shared the long moments of my waiting for Mica to apologize and her screaming in the lobby of UBC Engineering building.  We all, my girl included, laughed and joked about the now resolved issue.  Craig said, “Oh Mica, you will learn your Mama is like a mountain; she will not be moved.”  (When my brother heard this story, he wondered about the wisdom of calling one’s wife mountain.  🙂

Almost daily Mica and I look at pictures on line of her Haitian friends.  The challenge is that she knows them by the name they are called, and I know the children by the names the adoptive families refer to the children and that the children will be called by.  We banter playful back and forth about the children’s names.

This morning I got “rebaptized.”  Mama, “Cushe!”  Mama, “Aton!” when I tried to get up.  Mama, “Leve!”  Fortunately it’s finally warm, so I didn’t mind the water play.  And really I do not mind one bit letting her have self-determinism, asserting her will – appropriately, making decisions, and requesting others to follow.

When the oldest children were preschoolers, I read a book, You Can’t Make Me, But I Can Be Persuaded.  Time to read it again!

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7 thoughts on “Bossy

  1. We had 3 children with the oldest child syndome – still do – makes for some interesting dynamics – who’s in charge?

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  2. That sounds like an interesting book… one I might need to take up soon as I have a few bossy ones in this household too. I think its important for the little ones to be allowed to “boss” the older ones (even parents) in play sometimes. Recently A was doing this while she was pretending to be the mother and I was the child. She reflected my words to her… and I didn’t like it. It was so good for me to hear what she hears, and perhaps feel what she feels when she hears them. It makes me think twice on how I can encourage her co-operation instead of just being “bossy” 🙂 I just love reading your thoughts, Ellen. ❤

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  3. I’ve been pondering your question “is a bossy child a confident child?” Possibly. However I can’t help but think that it might could be (;-) the overly bossy child be hiding insecurities? If I can control what’s going on around me, what’s within reach of my flexing muscles, then maybe I feel better about the turmoil going on inside of me? Personally, I’m quite bossy – and it comes out in the extreme form when I am VERY confident or when I am VERY interested simply in having things go my way. I feel better when things go my way and I’m in charge….

    Looking forward to finding your book recommendation. I have several of Cynthia Tobias’ books on my shelf -yet unread (what else is new). Do you respect her writing in general?

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  4. I believe I am a ” Strong-Willed Child” who is currently raising a 4 year old who doesn’t fall far from the tree. Thanks for the recommended reading!

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